When I was a kid, I habitually ate almost an entire box of strawberry Eggo waffles in one sitting. It made me fat.
"Leggo, my eggo."
Our hardworking parents had to leave us home alone on many weekends, so they would leave us with a STOCKED fridge. With great power comes great responsibility. I had lots of power and zero responsibility.
I appreciated the intent to supply us kids with foods that only required heating while they were away.
I only wish I had had a basic understanding of activity requirement needs, calorie counting, daily calorie intake requirements, and the consequences of exceeding them.
As a child, I had never been educated on the importance of physical activity and what too many unburned calories can do to body weight.
Anyways.....
My Parents Left Us All Alone
If my parents were not home on a Saturday morning, I would skip my way to the kitchen at 9AM. I would slide across the kitchen floor in my socks and use the fridge door handle to stop me while simultaneously swinging the door open.
Think about that....I had a sliding move to open the fridge door, which I executed consistently and flawlessly.
When I opened the single, extra-wide door of the fridge.....**Insert angel singing voice here**.....my eyes would widen, and a smile would form on my face.
The fridge is stacked. I repeat, the fridge is STACKED.
I had so many options to choose from. Eggo waffles, Pillsbury Toaster Strudels (the ones with the little white packets of self-spread frosting), bagel bites, pizza rolls, taquitos, all kinds of frozen burritos, chicken burgers, popsicles, Minute Maid/Tampico juices, chocolate milk.
We had EVERYTHING in there.
And it was all junk with added sugar. You couldn't find healthy food, lean meats, or healthy fats in that house to save your life.
Also, keep in mind that our government allows the purchase of this junk with food stamps or EBT. I have zero clue if we were on food stamps, but I would think it was highly likely.
The abundance available in this amazing country, particularly to the middle and lower class, may also be its most difficult challenge to overcome; the addiction to high-caloric processed junk. In other words, the addiction to comfort and convenience.
Consuming too many processed foods can cause overall health conditions and bad eating habits that can make it difficult to lose weight and stay healthy long term.
Anyways...
That was just the fridge. We also had a pantry with dry goods like pop tarts, blueberry muffins, pre-packaged minis, regular store baked, all kinds of junk cereal, and oatmeal cookies, just to name a few.
What's my objective here?
Simply to raise awareness about unsupervised and uneducated children having unrestricted access to an abundance of junk food.
Don't get it twisted; I am thankful for my parents and everything they did for us. They did the best they could at the time.
They had nothing growing up and wanted us to have everything. It's understandable, considering where they came from.
Regardless, this power would lead to weight gain and bad eating habits.
8 Eggo Waffles Coming Right Up
The strawberry Eggo waffles were my absolute favorite. I would scan the fridge and survey my options for my first meal of the day. I had so many options, but the Eggos would reign supreme time and time again.
"I can't quit you guys."
They always hit the spot. I developed an efficient system to prepare them with a quickness that would have Henry Ford start a slow clap. I took four out of the package and plugged them into the 4-slot toaster on "setting 4," which I would say was medium heat.
While the first four toasted, I busted out the Auntie Mama syrup and cracked the lid of the Country Crock Margarine (not even real butter). I got two plates out and had my butter knife ready to go. This step was crucial as the margarine should be applied immediately after the Eggos pop to ensure it melts and soaks into the Eggo appropriately.
As soon as the first four Eggos popped, I would throw them on the first plate and put down four more. While the 2nd set toasted, I spread Country Crock on the first batch.
The scraping sound of the knife making contact with the toasted grid on the waffles was so exciting sometimes I would hum while doing it. As soon as I was done dressing the first batch with syrup, the second batch would pop......perfect timing.
I repeated the process with the second batch and took both plates to my room, where I proceeded to play Final Fantasy VII for hours on end.
Throughout the day, I would return to the fridge or pantry to get more stuff. There weren't any rules or meal schedules; just get what you want when you want it.
This insane abundance of junk food combined with unchecked gaming led to me being a chunky boy.
The late 90's were the shit, though.
I am happy this all happened, by the way. I love food and will never apologize or shame anyone for it.
How Many Calories Is That?
Well, let's recap and break it all down:
2 waffles, or "one serving," is 195 calories. I had 8 waffles, so we divided 8 by 2 to get "four servings." Multiplying 4 servings by 195 calories gives us 780 calories, just for the waffles.
2 Tablespoons of Syrup, or "one serving," was 100 calories, minimum. I had about a tablespoon per Eggo, so let's say I had "4 servings," which gives us around 400 calories, just for the syrup.
1 Tablespoon of Country Crock Margarine, or "one serving," is 50 calories. I probably had around 1 tablespoon per waffle, so 8 tablespoons, 1 per eggo, would be 8x50, or 400 calories, just for the "butter."
By the way, Country Crock is not butter; it's "Vegetable Oil Spread." Hey, we were trying to make healthy choices, ok?
Anyways...
By just after 9AM, I had eaten 1580 calories. Add another 200 calories for the 16oz or more of sunny delight that I washed the waffles down with. Sunny D isn't even real orange juice. This was insanity.
That's a whopping 1780 calories before 9AM. Notice there was zero protein in this meal, only straight-up sugar. Not bad, squirt. Not bad at all.
In about 2-3 hours, I would be walking back to the fridge for another meal....
To provide some context, as an active adult who trains daily, I aim for 3200 calories per day. To be clear, that's for the WHOLE DAY.
This insane abundance of junk food, combined with unchecked gaming and the fact that I love to eat, made me a very husky boy. If you don't mind your kid being self-conscious and wearing heavy sweatshirts well into high school, this is the way.
I Don't Regret It
Nope. Not one bit. In fact, I am adding Eggos to my cheat meal list at this very moment because I don't think I have ever smashed 8 like this in my adult life.
Maybe I'll play all the FF7 remakes while I smash 8 waffles at a time in the very near future. Now that I am fit and educated on my food choices, I can afford to do nasty things like this once in a while.
It's all about the 80/20 rule, ya dig?
Besides, the gym pump I get after eating garbage like this is "Amuhazin!"
The fat boy in me will never die; he's just much better educated and disciplined now.
Are you a fatty like me and want a healthy option during a deep cut? Click here.
Yeah, yeah, they aren't Eggos, but they are close.....
...kinda...
Stay strong, my fat boy brothers. You can indeed have it all with discipline and a plan.
Comments